I was lost. I was alone. So utterly lonely. Nowhere to go, no one to turn to. Down and out and so desperately distraught, distressed and depressed. Worn out, torn and tattered. I was looking out from the inside, longingly at the sky. Beaten, broken, bruised and battered. Uncertain, and unwanted. Badly hurt. Bullied into things I never wanted. Powerless, defenseless, vulnerable, helpless. Weeping and waiting. Wanting a helping hand. Waiting for miracles to happen. Hoping against hope. Nevertheless neither giving up nor giving in. And continuing despite the odds.
I’m glad I did!
Now looking back I understand how important it was to have kept going on; that I didn’t let the doubts and darkness weigh me down into defeat and distress; that I kept afloat despite the fiercest storms. Yes, the road had been long and winding but at the end of the tunnel, there’s light, and air, and hope of someone to lean on.
I am happy the way things turned out. My soul’s free; drifting like a cloud in the sky, carefree without any worries. All the shackles have been busted, all the apprehensions gone. The silence is broken; the bird is free – ready to soar high, to touch the zenith of the sky. For the first time in my life, I’ve stopped existing and started living; sheltered in my “Tropical Loveland” - warm and tender, cozy, snug and welcoming.
I can hear your voice. I can feel your presence; though you are not there. I never thought what I’d lose or how much would I suffer; only now I realize that many a time things are taken for granted. I don’t know how much more I have to pay for all that I’ve finally found. Already the price seems to be excessively high. Already I’ve paid dreadfully dearly – and lost a number of friends. And sometimes it seems I might end up with nothing at all; nothing except my bitter sweet memories.
The questions remain; is it worth taking the risk for? Is it the right track? Is this what I want?
Yes, I know I am going to make a lot of mistakes on the way; but I’m alive and free, learning all the time, ready to take the challenges. And I am proud that I’ve taken the plunge.
Future holds the joy, and light, and hope and that’s all I need to know to keep ME going despite the odds!
